I know I've been planning my wedding for nearly 10 months now. And I've been excited about having a marriage, and planning the future along with the thought of "Marriage". But, for some reason, in my head, wedding hasn't equalled marriage. Not until yesterday.
Let me explain. Wedding has equalled big huge party with cake and dancing. Wedding has meant to me a time when I can see all of my family and friends in one place. Wedding has meant a gathering of people who support me and Eric and our future.
Marriage has meant so much more to me than that.
We got our marriage license yesterday. And although I'm 100% committed to being with this person for the rest of my life, it finally became tangible in a way I never recognized before. Wedding = Marriage.
We went down to the marriage license office yesterday. On the way over, I got nervous for the very first time. It wasn't a bad nervous... but it was definitely nerves I was feeling. A little barfy feeling and a lot sweaty feeling. Gross. But totally awesome. There I was at this office filling out things and deciding upon my last name and all the while standing next to my future. Not only am I doing this... but so is he. He's committing to be MINE for the rest of his life.
Holy Shit. That is so EFFING AWESOME.
And so it is. In 16 days, I will belong to him. But he'll belong to me as well. And although the wedding has become suddenly VERY real, as has the sudden stress of getting it all finished, the relief that I get to have this person be there for all of my milestones and stresses and fears and happiness and *sigh/gush*. This is incredible.